Omg, how exciting...

I have a new blog...

NEW URL: http://www.funnycelebrity.blogspot.com

You stupid girl

So, I am anything but a closeted MTV reality television fan. I can't help but gawk at the weekly train wrecks. And those train wrecks primarily consist of beautiful girls throwing themselves at the most unattractive, unlikable guys on the planet. (They are all in L.A.)



Pictured here is Lauren Conrad, from "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills," and her ex-beau Jason Wahler. Thank GOD she broke up with him. Not only is Jason rumored to have released a supposed sex tape the couple made (according to Perez Hilton), but he is jail-bound -- the 20-year-old and his model girlfriend Kristen Deluca were both arrested for physically and verbally assaulting a black tow truck driver who was blocking the road, removing an illegally-parked vehicle. At the time, Jason sported racial epithets and a blood-alcohol level of .22. Someone's trying to pull a Mel Gibson! (Jason was already arrested in an underage-drinking raid.)

Lauren could have any guy she wanted -- she's rich, famous, gorgeous! And yet, she chose Jason? She gave up a trip to Paris to do a fashion internship for him. What did she see in him? Sure, objectively, he's a good-looking guy. But shouldn't the jerk factor outweigh the hot factor?




Fool Lauren once? Shame on Jason. Fool Lauren twice? Well, it makes good TV. Off of the heals of Lauren's serious relationship with bad boy Jason, she then dated Brody, who's reputation as a lady's man preceded him. Why would you move on from a drunken racist to a man whore, Lauren? Why? Brody's also best pals with Spencer... who we'll talk about later.

After their brief little fling, Brody then hooked up with Lauren's long-time friend Jen Bunny. The only reason Brody would ever pursue Jen is because it would piss Lauren off (and it did; her and Jen are no longer buddies). Because Jen is NOT PRETTY. She looks like a man. So while Lauren hates Jen, she still hangs out with Brody. Why?!? The guy is obviously a prick. I mean, LOOK AT HIM!



I saved the worst for last. This is Hedi. I can't find a picture of her slimy boyfriend Spencer, so here's sort of what he looks like. Spencer is your quintessential asshole. As he courted Heidi, he also tried to woo over her friend Adriana, assuring Heidi that Adriana was actually after HIM and assuring Adriana that Heidi was nothing short of a stalker-freak.

Adriana was no idiot -- she could smell a creep from a mile away (and being in L.A., I'm sure she's had more than a few sensory overloads). Anyways, she didn't buy it. But what did Heidi do -- even after Spencer paraded around Playboy bunnies in front of her at a nightclub -- well, she fell in love with him of course! Heidi is Lauren's former best friend and roommate (Spencer pressured Heidi to move in with him only after a couple of months of dating, likely so he could control her mind)... Spencer and Heidi don't really jive well with the rest of the world and Heidi... not even Lauren approves of Spencer! The horny manipulator really epitomizes all the guys who star in "The Hills" -- and resembles some of the guys in "Maui Fever" too.

Even lovable fictional character Pam on "The Office" is stupid about guys. Roy? Over Jim? Really?!?!? (Last night's episode really bummed me out.) Have hot sex with Jim already! And then release your sex tape on the Internet!

The reason all this trash TV struck me, though, is because it really is reality TV, isn't it? I know girls who continue to settle for less, for no reason I can really figure out. It's aggravating! I've never once dated a guy of this breed, and why the fuck would I?

C'mon, you bad-boy-loving ladies. You're making the rest of us look retarded!!!

K, I promise I'll do some SXSW reviews and more frequent blogging in the near future... but for now... I give you Tyra Banks... sans makeup or sanity.



This video is a year old and somehow I only just now found it.

(Second-biggest beauty secret ever: crack cocaine.)

Please check out www.unknowncity.com, my online publication class' blog. It's awesome and promises to get awesomer in time, so be there or be square.

So, I wanted to finally tell everybody that I am officially un-single. I've been trying to keep it under wraps but, alas, I am both engaged and expecting. I know I'm only 21 and all that jazz, but you gotta just go where life takes you. Some of you already know this information, but a lot of you don't, hence my blog entry. And a good chunk of you might even be aware that it's April Fool's Day but for the one or two of you who aren't, thanks for reading.

Here's where I get a little Emo.

What happen to those days when I had to express myself or else?



When I was a little girl and even a teenager, I'd have days to weeks where an uncontrollable Creativity would pester me from underneath my skin and the inside of my brain, begging to be let out. I didn't know what to do with myself when this happened. It was unbearably frustrating. In response, I'd aimlessly draw a picture, make up a diddy on the piano, or perfect a musical theater song like "On My Own" from Les Miserables, even if for an audience of nobody but a mirror... and I'd feel a lot better -- even proud -- afterward.

And then I went on to study music in college; and a little part of me died.

Suddenly, singing and playing the piano were decisions and habits, not the lifelines they used to be. For a moment there, I got excited about writing, so much so that I ended up switching my major to journalism and moving back to Austin. But I really haven't been the same since my senior year in high school. My imagination had no limits back then. (I hardly ever daydream anymore!)

Where did the passion go? Will I ever get it back? Seems like the only intense feelings I've had this year have been sadness. Tremendous sadness that I never even knew existed. I discovered that when faced with death, I came alive. I felt more alive in the horribly dark and depressing moments of this year than I did in the happier ones. I was painfully alive. I just wish I knew how to use that, because it reminded me of a person I used to be. A person who felt a lot and had to express those feelings in some way, shape or form.

I hope for a future when it's not a choice to write, play the piano, sing, draw... but the only way I know how to live. Maybe Blogger can help me out in this department. :)

South by Southwest is practically over. After tonight, a whole lot of people who contribute to Austin's culture will leave the city -- film and music professionals and all their groupies will go back to their homes in LA, New York, England, Australia, and every other place imaginable. Reluctantly, I reckon. 6th Street will be handed back to the co-eds and those who have something to do with making movies and music will wait and see if their exposure at SXSW means they'll get distribution or a record deal and if not, they'll give up on the art or shuffle along like normal until next year's opportunity arrives around March 2008.

I get to stay here, but things just won't be the same.

I've had an incredibly fun time this past week. I got to be a part of a special community, the kind of community that you can only find at something like a carefree, yet educational gathering of people with similar interests. And for free, too!

I've made new friends and and even had a few celebrity sightings too. Well, I guess my only "sighting" was Chris Kattan, who was doing an interview in the press suite at one point. Mostly I got to exchange more than a few words with people like David Wain (though I think he was very drunk at the time), Paul Rudd (if you had told my 10-year-old self that I'd be at a party, standing right next to Cher's semi-step-brother/love interest in Clueless, I would've died), Brent White (editor of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up, which comes out in June and rocks all kind of ass), almost the whole cast and production team of The Signal (a great little film that not surprisingly, was sold immediately after its premier at Sundance), and many other cool people -- too many to remember or count even.

I got to see Aqualung perform, which was a real treat, as I knew the lyrics to every song. Concerts are always better when you can at least mouth the words in-sync with the lead singer. I also caught a few other bands, who were more than okay. I drank a lot (especially at the Maggie Mae's closing party wherein "open" in "open bar," apparently means "weak"). I spent a lot of money. But if you can't do those sort of things during Spring Break, when can you? Almost all my friends went to Las Vegas and I'm sure they had a blast. At first, I was a little jealous of them, but now, I wouldn't have wanted the break to go any other way.

Now I get to review some movies! My favorites of the festival were Audience of One, Knocked Up, The Ten, The Devil Came On Horseback, A Lawyer Walks Into a Bar, The Lather Effect, and The Signal. So if you get a chance to see any of these flicks (Knocked Up and The Ten will certainly hit the theaters), then do! I was fortunate enough not to accidentally stumble into a screening of a film that was awful. Even the lamer stuff wasn't really all that lame.

Oh, and I did a few non-SXSW things too. For instance, I had my first lesbian kiss and then my second. I've only ever pecked a girl on the lips before, so it was a good experience. I was very productive as you can tell.

So, goodbye South By. I hope I can do you justice with all the film reviews I'm about to write. See you next year!

So, just barely the fourth day of SXSW (it's 12:11 am) and here is where you can find my reviews. Keep checking back for more every day... there will be a whole lot more.

The YouTube Galaxy: the Best and the Brightest

So, I've been waiting for the stars of YouTube to land book and record deals and get jobs hosting "Total Request Live" and acting in soap operas. I'm one of those annoying people who get mad at you when you like a band because, well, I told you about them way back in the day and you didn't listen to me but now because everybody else thinks they're awesome, you're suddenly a fan.

So, here are the three top video blogging singers on YouTube (as far as I can tell). They're all talented singers and Emcee (the middle one there) has made a name for herself on Dutch television apparently; however they're all relatively undiscovered and unless they've been planted by record companies to drum up hype, I doubt that will be the case for much longer. Video blogging singer #3 totally has the "It" factor going for her.

You heard it hear somewhat first. (Fuck you MTV.)

The sun won't come out tomorrow... or this summer for that matter. :*(

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like Danny Boyle's next film Sunshine, which I had been greatly anticipating, won't open in March as was originally advertised but instead will hit theaters in December of 2007... that's almost a year from now.

If you know me even remotely well, it's no secret to you that I'm a huge Danny Boyle fan. I even liked A Life Less Ordinary! Trainspotting is one of my top three favorite films of all time and 28 Days Later and Millions are also up there on the list, so the fact that Cillian Murphy, Alex Garland (writer of 28 Days Later) and Danny Boyle were all teaming up for Sunshine was a really exciting proposition.

I guess now I know a little bit of what it feels like to be pregnant as we've got about nine more months ahead of us before Sunshine comes to life on the big screen... and also I just downed two cafe lattes and a slice of pumpkin bread, so I feel really fat right now.

I Miss

...lazy Saturday mornings when Dad, Mis, Tim, and I would wake up to the smell of pancakes and French toast or any other food that tastes good with lots of Maple syrup, courtesy of Mom

...thinking that flying on an airplane was the most exciting thing ever

...believing in Santa Claus

...the special sound of two parents and three children living in a house together

...being more afraid of the dark than a bad hair day

...when fights with my sister were about nothing and holding a grudge meant you just gave someone the silent treatment for an hour

...terrorizing my babysitters

...when a couple of dimes and quarters were a fortune!

...dreaming of a career on Broadway and a marriage to Jonathan Taylor Thomas

...when "Eureeka's Castle" was the highlight of the day and politics (i.e. "Crossfire," which Dad always watched) was deathly boring

...pushing Barbie in the tire swing, just so I could watch her fall out of it multiple times in a row

...when it was easy and made perfect sense to "just say no"

...singing Ace of Base and TLC songs at the top of my lungs, showing off how I'd memorized all the lyrics

I miss when the world was small and adults were big.