Crazy Little Thing Called My Blog

2007-04-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Omg, how exciting...

I have a new blog...

NEW URL: http://www.funnycelebrity.blogspot.com

2007-04-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

You stupid girl

So, I am anything but a closeted MTV reality television fan. I can't help but gawk at the weekly train wrecks. And those train wrecks primarily consist of beautiful girls throwing themselves at the most unattractive, unlikable guys on the planet. (They are all in L.A.)

Pictured here is Lauren Conrad, from "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills," and her ex-beau Jason Wahler. Thank GOD she broke up with him. Not only is Jason rumored to have released a supposed sex tape the couple made (according to Perez Hilton), but he is jail-bound -- the 20-year-old and his model girlfriend Kristen Deluca were both arrested for physically and verbally assaulting a black tow truck driver who was blocking the road, removing an illegally-parked vehicle. At the time, Jason sported racial epithets and a blood-alcohol level of .22. Someone's trying to pull a Mel Gibson! (Jason was already arrested in an underage-drinking raid.)

Lauren could have any guy she wanted -- she's rich, famous, gorgeous! And yet, she chose Jason? She gave up a trip to Paris to do a fashion internship for him. What did she see in him? Sure, objectively, he's a good-looking guy. But shouldn't the jerk factor outweigh the hot factor?

Fool Lauren once? Shame on Jason. Fool Lauren twice? Well, it makes good TV. Off of the heals of Lauren's serious relationship with bad boy Jason, she then dated Brody, who's reputation as a lady's man preceded him. Why would you move on from a drunken racist to a man whore, Lauren? Why? Brody's also best pals with Spencer... who we'll talk about later.

After their brief little fling, Brody then hooked up with Lauren's long-time friend Jen Bunny. The only reason Brody would ever pursue Jen is because it would piss Lauren off (and it did; her and Jen are no longer buddies). Because Jen is NOT PRETTY. She looks like a man. So while Lauren hates Jen, she still hangs out with Brody. Why?!? The guy is obviously a prick. I mean, LOOK AT HIM!

I saved the worst for last. This is Hedi. I can't find a picture of her slimy boyfriend Spencer, so here's sort of what he looks like. Spencer is your quintessential asshole. As he courted Heidi, he also tried to woo over her friend Adriana, assuring Heidi that Adriana was actually after HIM and assuring Adriana that Heidi was nothing short of a stalker-freak.

Adriana was no idiot -- she could smell a creep from a mile away (and being in L.A., I'm sure she's had more than a few sensory overloads). Anyways, she didn't buy it. But what did Heidi do -- even after Spencer paraded around Playboy bunnies in front of her at a nightclub -- well, she fell in love with him of course! Heidi is Lauren's former best friend and roommate (Spencer pressured Heidi to move in with him only after a couple of months of dating, likely so he could control her mind)... Spencer and Heidi don't really jive well with the rest of the world and Heidi... not even Lauren approves of Spencer! The horny manipulator really epitomizes all the guys who star in "The Hills" -- and resembles some of the guys in "Maui Fever" too.

Even lovable fictional character Pam on "The Office" is stupid about guys. Roy? Over Jim? Really?!?!? (Last night's episode really bummed me out.) Have hot sex with Jim already! And then release your sex tape on the Internet!

The reason all this trash TV struck me, though, is because it really is reality TV, isn't it? I know girls who continue to settle for less, for no reason I can really figure out. It's aggravating! I've never once dated a guy of this breed, and why the fuck would I?

C'mon, you bad-boy-loving ladies. You're making the rest of us look retarded!!!

2007-04-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

K, I promise I'll do some SXSW reviews and more frequent blogging in the near future... but for now... I give you Tyra Banks... sans makeup or sanity.

This video is a year old and somehow I only just now found it.

(Second-biggest beauty secret ever: crack cocaine.)

Please check out www.unknowncity.com, my online publication class' blog. It's awesome and promises to get awesomer in time, so be there or be square.

2007-04-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

So, I wanted to finally tell everybody that I am officially un-single. I've been trying to keep it under wraps but, alas, I am both engaged and expecting. I know I'm only 21 and all that jazz, but you gotta just go where life takes you. Some of you already know this information, but a lot of you don't, hence my blog entry. And a good chunk of you might even be aware that it's April Fool's Day but for the one or two of you who aren't, thanks for reading.

2007-03-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

Here's where I get a little Emo.

What happen to those days when I had to express myself or else?

When I was a little girl and even a teenager, I'd have days to weeks where an uncontrollable Creativity would pester me from underneath my skin and the inside of my brain, begging to be let out. I didn't know what to do with myself when this happened. It was unbearably frustrating. In response, I'd aimlessly draw a picture, make up a diddy on the piano, or perfect a musical theater song like "On My Own" from Les Miserables, even if for an audience of nobody but a mirror... and I'd feel a lot better -- even proud -- afterward.

And then I went on to study music in college; and a little part of me died.

Suddenly, singing and playing the piano were decisions and habits, not the lifelines they used to be. For a moment there, I got excited about writing, so much so that I ended up switching my major to journalism and moving back to Austin. But I really haven't been the same since my senior year in high school. My imagination had no limits back then. (I hardly ever daydream anymore!)

Where did the passion go? Will I ever get it back? Seems like the only intense feelings I've had this year have been sadness. Tremendous sadness that I never even knew existed. I discovered that when faced with death, I came alive. I felt more alive in the horribly dark and depressing moments of this year than I did in the happier ones. I was painfully alive. I just wish I knew how to use that, because it reminded me of a person I used to be. A person who felt a lot and had to express those feelings in some way, shape or form.

I hope for a future when it's not a choice to write, play the piano, sing, draw... but the only way I know how to live. Maybe Blogger can help me out in this department. :)

2007-03-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

South by Southwest is practically over. After tonight, a whole lot of people who contribute to Austin's culture will leave the city -- film and music professionals and all their groupies will go back to their homes in LA, New York, England, Australia, and every other place imaginable. Reluctantly, I reckon. 6th Street will be handed back to the co-eds and those who have something to do with making movies and music will wait and see if their exposure at SXSW means they'll get distribution or a record deal and if not, they'll give up on the art or shuffle along like normal until next year's opportunity arrives around March 2008.

I get to stay here, but things just won't be the same.

I've had an incredibly fun time this past week. I got to be a part of a special community, the kind of community that you can only find at something like a carefree, yet educational gathering of people with similar interests. And for free, too!

I've made new friends and and even had a few celebrity sightings too. Well, I guess my only "sighting" was Chris Kattan, who was doing an interview in the press suite at one point. Mostly I got to exchange more than a few words with people like David Wain (though I think he was very drunk at the time), Paul Rudd (if you had told my 10-year-old self that I'd be at a party, standing right next to Cher's semi-step-brother/love interest in Clueless, I would've died), Brent White (editor of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up, which comes out in June and rocks all kind of ass), almost the whole cast and production team of The Signal (a great little film that not surprisingly, was sold immediately after its premier at Sundance), and many other cool people -- too many to remember or count even.

I got to see Aqualung perform, which was a real treat, as I knew the lyrics to every song. Concerts are always better when you can at least mouth the words in-sync with the lead singer. I also caught a few other bands, who were more than okay. I drank a lot (especially at the Maggie Mae's closing party wherein "open" in "open bar," apparently means "weak"). I spent a lot of money. But if you can't do those sort of things during Spring Break, when can you? Almost all my friends went to Las Vegas and I'm sure they had a blast. At first, I was a little jealous of them, but now, I wouldn't have wanted the break to go any other way.

Now I get to review some movies! My favorites of the festival were Audience of One, Knocked Up, The Ten, The Devil Came On Horseback, A Lawyer Walks Into a Bar, The Lather Effect, and The Signal. So if you get a chance to see any of these flicks (Knocked Up and The Ten will certainly hit the theaters), then do! I was fortunate enough not to accidentally stumble into a screening of a film that was awful. Even the lamer stuff wasn't really all that lame.

Oh, and I did a few non-SXSW things too. For instance, I had my first lesbian kiss and then my second. I've only ever pecked a girl on the lips before, so it was a good experience. I was very productive as you can tell.

So, goodbye South By. I hope I can do you justice with all the film reviews I'm about to write. See you next year!

2007-03-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

So, just barely the fourth day of SXSW (it's 12:11 am) and here is where you can find my reviews. Keep checking back for more every day... there will be a whole lot more.

2007-03-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

The YouTube Galaxy: the Best and the Brightest

So, I've been waiting for the stars of YouTube to land book and record deals and get jobs hosting "Total Request Live" and acting in soap operas. I'm one of those annoying people who get mad at you when you like a band because, well, I told you about them way back in the day and you didn't listen to me but now because everybody else thinks they're awesome, you're suddenly a fan.

So, here are the three top video blogging singers on YouTube (as far as I can tell). They're all talented singers and Emcee (the middle one there) has made a name for herself on Dutch television apparently; however they're all relatively undiscovered and unless they've been planted by record companies to drum up hype, I doubt that will be the case for much longer. Video blogging singer #3 totally has the "It" factor going for her.

You heard it hear somewhat first. (Fuck you MTV.)

2007-03-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

The sun won't come out tomorrow... or this summer for that matter. :*(

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like Danny Boyle's next film Sunshine, which I had been greatly anticipating, won't open in March as was originally advertised but instead will hit theaters in December of 2007... that's almost a year from now.

If you know me even remotely well, it's no secret to you that I'm a huge Danny Boyle fan. I even liked A Life Less Ordinary! Trainspotting is one of my top three favorite films of all time and 28 Days Later and Millions are also up there on the list, so the fact that Cillian Murphy, Alex Garland (writer of 28 Days Later) and Danny Boyle were all teaming up for Sunshine was a really exciting proposition.

I guess now I know a little bit of what it feels like to be pregnant as we've got about nine more months ahead of us before Sunshine comes to life on the big screen... and also I just downed two cafe lattes and a slice of pumpkin bread, so I feel really fat right now.

2007-02-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

I Miss

...lazy Saturday mornings when Dad, Mis, Tim, and I would wake up to the smell of pancakes and French toast or any other food that tastes good with lots of Maple syrup, courtesy of Mom

...thinking that flying on an airplane was the most exciting thing ever

...believing in Santa Claus

...the special sound of two parents and three children living in a house together

...being more afraid of the dark than a bad hair day

...when fights with my sister were about nothing and holding a grudge meant you just gave someone the silent treatment for an hour

...terrorizing my babysitters

...when a couple of dimes and quarters were a fortune!

...dreaming of a career on Broadway and a marriage to Jonathan Taylor Thomas

...when "Eureeka's Castle" was the highlight of the day and politics (i.e. "Crossfire," which Dad always watched) was deathly boring

...pushing Barbie in the tire swing, just so I could watch her fall out of it multiple times in a row

...when it was easy and made perfect sense to "just say no"

...singing Ace of Base and TLC songs at the top of my lungs, showing off how I'd memorized all the lyrics

I miss when the world was small and adults were big.

2007-02-22T20:26:00.000-08:00

Default Blog Entry About the Oscars

So, seeing as how I often comment on the entertainment industry and would like to one day do that professionally, I figured I ought to blog about the upcoming 7,723rd Academy Awards. I've done something like that before. The caveat, here, is that I don't really care about the Oscars. I've tried to get enthusiastic about it, but I mean, Ben Affleck has an Oscar.

And also, I have a short attention span. (As does the ceremony's orchestra, which starts playing music five seconds into every award-winner's speech.)

Anyways, here are my opinions on this year's nominees.

I don't know and won't pretend to know who will win.

I haven't even seen a good chunk of the films nominated. Scorsese could maybe get lucky this year just because the Academy feels guilty for dissing him last year. That tends to happen.

I'm shocked that Alfonso Cuaron didn't get a nod for directing Children of Men.

But yeah, that's all I got.

Seriously, unless there's some kind of financial incentive, I'm not going to play the guessing game. Fuck, I may not even watch the Oscars this year!

I will make a few bold predictions though. Somebody will make fun of George Bush. An actress will wear a revealing dress. Any takers? And I have no idea why this text is so small. Fucking blogger.

2007-02-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

No News is Good News?

As a journalism student, I'm supposed to follow the news pretty closely. Oh, and as an informed citizen too I guess. But as much as I love the BBC, I get really depressed reading the stories of the day -- especially from Africa and the Middle East. (I have a few bookmarked news sites and I've put them in the folder titled "Everything's Gone to Hell.")

While I don't plan on skipping on the negative news reports any time soon, I do plan on visiting this site more often. There is some news that is actually good news. It does exist! Don't just read about car bombs in Iraq. Read the sappier stories too... specifically the one about the 25-million-year-old frog.

Ps. In other non-Middle East related news, Britney Spears has undergone her latest metamorphosis... Virgin Schoolgirl to Trashy Whore and now, Little Boy:

(And Britney, just because you can shave your head, doesn't mean that you can also get a degree from Harvard and be a kick ass actress. FYI.)

2007-02-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

I knew this song before it ever became relevant to my life, and I used to think it was just pretty. Now it takes the breath out of me. But while it makes me cry and think of my mom and dad, it's such a beautiful (albeit sad) song and video, that I wanted to share it.

Death Cab for Cutie - "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"

2007-02-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

(updated February 12...added on some info)

One Nation Under God: Are we free to not believe?

Just west of the University of Texas tower, students are ducking fliers like bullets on their way to class. Representatives of political causes and organizations stand along the edges of the gardens the University constructed to deter protests and riots (West Mall is the so-called "Free Speech Zone"). They man booths and more often than not hand out paper leaflets promoting ideas and memberships to different groups. On any given day, an unsuspecting passerby may be asked to donate to breast cancer research, rethink Roe v. Wade, and join a student organization.

It's not uncommon for Christians, many not enrolled at UT, to take advantage of the progressive public university spirit toward the sharing of ideas (despite the overbearing, strategically placed plants) and precede to evangelize folks in West Mall. And because we live in America, they have the right to save the masses from damnation. Or try to.

I don't blame them for exercising that right either. College students are at risk of developing dangerous non-Christian beliefs, as they are taught to think critically about the universe, rather than blindly follow irrational dogmas. Hey, if I were a Christian fanatic, I'd definitely set up shop at institutions of higher learning; universities are breeding grounds for hell-bound heathens -- professors are determined to reverse the brainwashing we young scholars endured growing up.

When I see Christians reaching out to students who are trying to make it to class on time, they usually have a very calm, peaceful look on their face, as if to say: "hey, I've got the secret to happiness."

A little arrogant, if you ask me. But the thing is, those of us who aren't Christian just smile right back at these religious activists and go on with our day. Sometimes we might even take a flier just for shits and giggles. Or maybe they're giving out candy to go with the flier, so we figure, why not? Eating candy won't turn me into a Christian.

It's all very quaint.

I wonder what would happen if I made fliers promoting a non belief. What if I was to make a flier that said "religion is a delusion" or "Jesus will not answer your prayers" or "God is imaginary"? What kind of reaction would I get? Would people be afraid to take my fliers? Would they give me dirty looks? Would they be offended? I have a slight suspicion I would get a cold reception at West Mall... even though Austin and UT are about as liberal and secular as Texas gets. Why do I think this? Well, surprisingly, Facebook turned up fewer than 100 declared atheists at UT! Truth is, though, I haven't run this experiment, so I don't know for sure what would happen.

What we do collectively know for sure is that the majority of Americans are Christian and atheists have a tiny voice in this country. In fact, when atheists do speak up, they are frequently blasted by enraged Christians and even CNN. Think about it... if you're a religious or racial minority here in the States, you probably haven't been overtly called an unpatriotic non-citizen by a U.S. president. But atheists sure have! This is probably because they are the most mistrusted minority in America:

American's increasing acceptance of religious diversity doesn’t extend to those who don't believe in a god, according to a national survey by researchers in the University of Minnesota’s department of sociology.
From a telephone sampling of more than 2,000 households, university researchers found that Americans rate atheists below Muslims, recent immigrants, gays and lesbians and other minority groups in "sharing their vision of American society." Atheists are also the minority group most Americans are least willing to allow their children to marry.

Kind of interesting, then, that Christians are overrepresented in the prison system and atheists are underrepresented. But it's not facts about atheists that scare people... it's the ideas atheists have.

The atheist message is "think," not "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!" So why are the atheists hated in this nation? What is so threatening about a non belief? You don't even have to capitalize the word 'atheist!' So how scary can an atheist be really?

I guess such "non belief" comes from the Tree of Knowledge, and the Bible says we shouldn't eat from that Tree. Well, I'm thinking maybe we should band together and tell people that if they don't start chomping down on some knowledge-ridden apples, they're all going to spread infectious ignorance and blow each other up.

But what do I know at the end of the day? I don't believe in anything.

2007-02-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

This is like something out of a movie...

The folks over at Austin 360 have been tallying up votes for the Austin Movie Awards, which includes categories like best actor and best film festival. Somehow, there is real competition brewing between the three Alamo Drafthouse venues and the illustrious Dobie theater. The Dobie runs some respectable films that don't get a chance at other theaters, but other than that, it sits in the middle of what might be the ugliest, dingiest mall in Austin and plus, you can't buy alcohol there. So why does it threaten to beat the Drafthouse? One reason is that you can't just vote for the Drafthouse -- there are three different locations listed, which has sprawled out the votes.

The second reason is unknown: either people are retarded (as the Drafthouse is the best theater in the world!) or a very jealous Dobie has hired people to vote every hour.

So, let's stop this nonsense!

Scroll down to the second poll question and click Alamo Drafthouse Downtown right now! And then do it again in an hour!

2007-02-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

So, if I ever doubted I had a natural ambition to write, I guess that doubt's gone, because it's the only thing I want to do right now...

My dad died this morning, sometime between 2 and 730 AM. We don't know yet the cause -- it could have been a blood clot or a fall. He passed away in my grandparent's house in East Texas. He wanted to visit with his father alone for a couple of days. My aunt and uncle were on their way to pick him up and bring him back home when we got the news.

We were preparing ourselves for 12 to 18 months, tops, that my dad would have left. But five? No one was prepared for that. He called my mom last night and said he missed us and wanted to come home early. He didn't make it home.

Right now I'm sad and a little angry, but mostly just sad. I don't have regrets though. I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to a summer at home, where I could see my dad on a daily basis. I was looking forward to more morning coffees and political debates with him. I was trying very hard to come to the terms with the fact that he'd never walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, but I thought he'd get to see me walk across the stage to get my college diploma in May. That won't happen. So while I have no regrets, yeah, I'm fucking disappointed.

I've never felt more connected to my dad than the last five months of his life and for that, I'm so grateful. But I'm going to miss him a lot.

I want people to know about my dad, James Kyle. The only time he ever made a lot of noise was when he was vacuuming or mowing the lawn. He was a quiet, reserved man, and probably the most unselfish person I've ever known. He never missed a family dinner and never once forgot to tell me to check the oil in my car, because he knew I'd never remember to check it myself. I'll have to start remembering now.

He was a wonderful father and husband and he'd be the last person on the Earth to ever say so. But I don't mind saying so.

Click here to donate to the American Cancer Society.

2007-01-31T21:57:00.000-08:00

Some Month-old New Year's Resolutions I Wrote to Myself and Forgot to Share Here

Discover shocking, new truths every day (via other means than the Drudge Report, of course)

Eat sushi more than Wendy's

mmmmmm

Watch an old movie for every new movie

Write wrongs

Don't NOT talk to strangers

Remind yourself daily where you come from (the water/Evil America) and how that affects you

Sing in the shower (but don't dance, or you might slip and fall)

Know thyself and thy tolerance for alcohol

Love all (and I mean every living creature...including bin Laden and George Bush and Bill O'Reilly)

Worry about wasting time more than money

2007-01-30T08:29:00.000-08:00

An Observation or Two

There are some times and places wherein you're guaranteed to either get a scowl or smile directed right at you. It doesn't really matter who you are or what you've done; you're never deserving of the nasty look or instead, the kind acknowledgment of your presence. There will simply be a situation where you will accidentally make eye contact with a stranger, and that stranger can choose to frown or smile at you. I was thinking about when you can expect a frown and when you can expect a smile. I think most of you will agree with what I determined:

The grocery store on a late Sunday afternoon

Now, here in the central campus area, this may not be true, but for the most part, a supermarket that's packed full of hasty errand-runners, with babies in tow, is also packed full of some mean stares. But can you blame these frantic grocery shoppers? They've got a lot of stuff to do and work starts tomorrow! Argh! Just be careful, people have powerful shopping carts they can accidentally ram into you if you give them cause to.

The post office and the bank

When you're waiting in line to send off a package or deposit a check (though, folks, it's just as easy to drop it in an ATM!) -- your fellow line-waiters will probably be very friendly. There's only one reason I can figure this to be true, because the odds really are stacked against their happiness. They're not only waiting in line, but it's not like they're about to see a movie or something -- they're just doing everyday errands.

So my guess is that they choose to make the best of the situation and find that it's more entertaining to chit-chat with each other than to exchange ugly looks. Also, I think everybody hates whoever they are to greet at the end of the line. For some reason, we all tend to band against that person, as if they are the reason the line is so long -- when in fact, they are the reason the line isn't as long as it would have been if they weren't there to take care of business. Basically, whenever there is a common enemy, people unite. This probably happens at the grocery store, too, after people have already gathered up all their goods and are eagerly anticipating putting them on the mini-treadmill. Hopefully they don't end up in line behind someone who they accidentally rammed with a shopping cart though.

The bus and the airport

The bus and the airport really are crossroads between cultures... even more so than a bank or post office. It's a mixed bag of emotions here, as one unhappy or happy person can set the mood for everybody else. If there's a babbling homeless guy who everybody is amused by, the whole bus will give each other grins, as in saying "yeah, I think the babbling homeless guy is strange too, haha!" Etc. Same goes for the airport. Is there an annoying business guy yapping on his cell phone or a cute little 2-year-old galloping around?

The first day of class

Everybody feels refreshed on the first day of class -- whether in middle school or college. Lots of people smile at me when it's the first day, especially those strangers just walking past, almost as though they expect we'll become best friends throughout the school year, despite the fact that UT has over 50,000 students and I'll probably never see them again.

The 30th or so day of class

After the novelty wears off and people become lost in their own brains, reviewing the stuff they have to know for their chemistry test on their way to class, those smiles are few and far between. I wouldn't say people are overtly mean, but the difference between the first day (or week, really) of class and any day after that is pretty interesting. But how can you expect someone to take the effort to smile? They're way too busy!

Football games, movies, plays, and other entertainment you have to buy tickets to...

Surprisingly, when people are venturing out of their homes to have fun, they tend to treat strangers as, well, strangers -- people their mother told them not to talk to, etc. I think it's because people come to these events (a movie, stage musical, carnival, whatever) with a posse, a group of family members or friends, and thus they instantly separate themselves from everybody else. They can afford to. They're not needy of an ally. There are plenty of exceptions to this, of course, but I think putting a bunch of individual strangers into one room makes for a much nicer environment than putting three different groups of friends into one room.

I'd go on, but I have to read for my next class. I wonder how many smiles I'll get while I'm out and about on campus today?

2007-01-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

MTV Reality TV Show Review

Thanks to my family's Digital Video Recorder and HBO on Demand, I always have hours of cable television to catch up with whenever I visit home. Marie, Pujeeta and I are stuck with one measly network channel, Fox, and what's worse is apparently every program on Fox features characters who only interact outside on snowy days. Or maybe there's something wrong with the reception.

Anyhow, there are so few genuinely good shows on television these days, that I choose to embrace the intentionally awful ones with loads of enthusiasm. Now, there are the standard shows I'll always be loyal to -- like "The Office" and the deceased "Sex and the City" (I never saw the first few seasons). However, while when it comes to movies, I can sometimes be a snob -- though not on purpose, mind you -- I'm not like that with television. It's like people are granted "good taste" amnesty when it comes to television, reality television in particular.

But here's the thing -- I only enjoy the stuff that's overtly tacky and vapid. The stuff that pretends to boast substance is annoying.

So, as you might have guessed, I happen to really enjoy MTV reality shows. Seeing as how I'm fairly familiar with MTV's reality TV show lineup, I thought I'd do a wrap-up of what this season has to offer.

---------------

Oldies, but goodies:

"The Hills"

The follow-up to the hit show "Laguna Beach" features its alumna, Lauren (or LC), as she tries to make it big in the Los Angeles fashion industry, alongside her best gal pal and roomie Heidi. In the second season of "The Hills," we see a new and improved LC, one that actually talks! The LC of "Laguna Beach" was just a pretty face, but this time around, she almost seems interesting. Currently, however, the plot has revolved around spunky, annoyingly obvious Heidi, black-haired beauty Adrina, and smooth-talking Spencer. Basically, Spencer has desperately been trying to get into Adrina's pants, while assuring Heidi he "more than likes" her, not Adrina. Aw, how romantic. Anyways, however staged it is, it makes for good TV. It's fun to watch rich, beautiful, shallow people try to find love in all the wrong places (i.e. from other rich, beautiful, shallow people).

"Real World"

Now, "Real World" used to have a little street credit. Back in the day, MTV cast everyday young adults on the show. Folks you could relate to!

These young adults always came from wildly different backgrounds and would only ever be friends if they were fictional characters on a sitcom (as fictional characters on sitcoms rarely ever would like each other in real life -- think "Friends"), or, of course if they were... "picked to live in a house, work together and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when..." blah blah blah.

But anyways, the past few seasons of "Real World" have relied on a more basic, ratings-driven formula: just put really hot, party girls in the house. Fortunately, the three hot, party girls on "Real World: Denver" this year are mostly nut cases. Well, Colie (despite her strange, melodramatic behavior at the hospital when she got mono) seems pretty normal. But Brooke and Jenn each have their share of mental problems and the four guys in the house are always caught in the crossfire.

My favorite of the lot is frat boy Alex, who sort of reminds me of B.J. Novak's character in "The Office" -- he casually plays along, knowing full well the house is full of crazies. He might crack pretty soon though...

"Next"

What I like about "Next," which is still in full swing, is it perfectly illustrates what the downtown hook-up scene is all about -- simply placing your bets, buying girls drinks (or being bought drinks by guys), all in an effort to find the hottest ass out there. "Next" is simply a formalized, gimmicky version of that.

In "Next," you have your main girl or guy (usually good-looking, usually hollow) who in a sense, is given the opportunity to do some serious, hands-on speed dating.

The "Next" bus is packed full of the eager daters; most are physically attractive, but there are typically a few ugly and/or plain weird ones thrown into the mix too. So anyways, the daters each get to go on a date with the main "Next" star, in an order pre-determined by MTV. The main girl/guy can "next" the dater at any point (it's always funny when a dater is nexted -- new verb! -- before ever opening his or her mouth). If the main girl/guy decides he or she likes a dater enough to go on a second date with (or have sex with) them, that dater gets the choice to go on a second date with (or have sex with) the main girl/guy or get a dollar for every minute spent on the date. Spent an hour on the date? Well, you can either go home with your dating partner or take home 60 dollars. I'd go with the 60 bucks -- probably won't give you an STD.

"Next" slyly mocks the superficial, boring, stupid people who go on it and that's why I like it. MTV gives the stilted dating contestants the BEST lines to say as they introduce themselves to viewers.

"My Super Sweet 16"

"My Super Sweet 16" is just what it sounds like; every episode revolves around one or two soon-to-be-16-yr-olds planning the sweetest party EVER. They all have a few things in common: they're obnoxious and spoiled and they want to throw a sweet 16 party fit for, well, a BRAT. "My Super Sweet 16" is a shocking look into parenting gone very, very wrong and is also really hard to flip the channel away from.

New guilty pleasures:

"Maui Fever"

If you thought "Laguna Beach" felt surreal and staged, well, "Maui Fever" takes the cake. The cast mainly consists of bleached surfer dudes who openly pursue unemotional one night stands every single night of the week, it seems. But only after their long, hard days of teaching surf lessons... to their potential one night stands (tourists make great one night stands!) who they then recruit for the parties they hold every single night. There are two equally promiscuous, but slightly more intriguing, girls on the show; girl # 1, Chaunte, toys around with the only guy who has any heart on the show, Anthony. How thoughtful of her.

"Maui Fever" is the more mature, sorry did I say mature?, I meant slutty, version of "Laguna Beach." It's oddly fascinating because I had no idea people could lead such empty, sex-obsessed lives. But can you really blame them? There is a lot of sun in Hawaii and the sun is really hot and after a while, doesn't it start to kill brain cells?

"Exposed"

This is the latest dating show on MTV and essentially, two daters vie for the approval and acceptance of the main girl/guy. Except, as the main girl/guy interviews the two contestants, their best friend is feeding them questions to ask (through a secret ear piece) and alerting them to which answers are honest and which answers are complete bull shit. (Thanks to a 'lie detector,' or voice stress analyzer that MTV makes sure to inform is only used for entertainment purposes at the end of the show.)

So that's a fun twist. Except the questions are usually incredibly lame. "Have you ever picked your nose while driving in the car?" "Do you pee in the shower?" That's like truth or dare fodder -- come on, you have a real chance at putting these potential boyfriends/girlfriends on the spot and seeing them for who they really are! Ask them if they're homophobic or racist! Oh, wait... why is there even a need for a voice stress analyzer here? Do you really care if you hook up with a liar and a cheater if you're never going to call them again?

---------------

Shows like "Date My Mom," which I liked a lot, haven't been around much these days -- I guess MTV wants to give "Exposed" and "Maui Fever" a turn.

(On a side note, how scandalous would it be if they did a "Date My Dad?" So wouldn't work!)

Other shows, like "The Duel," I never really quite got, but people seem to like it because it's on ALL THE TIME. It has a little more brains than its peers, though. As does "Dancelife," which I want to give a few viewings before I comment about it.

In my next entry, I'll be reviewing TV dinners, the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen video series, and porn.

2007-01-23T13:56:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I was being really smart.

I have to wait for the Forty Acres and Red River buses every day of the week and it seems that lately, those waits have lasted around 15 to 20 minutes (I never get to the bus stops at the right time). Texas has been enduring uncharacteristic 30 degree weather, which has rekindled many local weathermen and women's passions and abilities to overreact, and so 20 minutes feels a lot longer than 20 minutes. I love the cold and all, but I don't like just standing in it; I prefer to be on the go. This is why I think New York City would suit me so well -- I want to pull my hair out when there are slow pedestrians around me. Aren't you going to be late for class? Aren't you afraid of getting fat?

Today I didn't rush to the bus stop after class -- I picked up a coffee instead and then went to the bus stop. This way, I could keep a little warm with some hot, caffeinated liquid during my two 20-minute waits.

(And yes, I could walk to the Red River bus in the same time it would take for me to wait for the Forty Acre bus and take it to the Red River bus, but on that odd occasion that it is extra speedy, it can save me some time and also, after class, I'm dead tired in my mind and my body. Three hour-and-a-half lectures in a row today! Ugh! Whenever you sign up for a history class, in particular, you know it's going to be 100% lecture format. And that's super unfortunate. Why is it that history professors are the least interesting and entertaining professors in the whole university? Why do they always have the most monotone voices? Historians tell stories, pretty much, so I think maybe they should start taking a few hints from Steven Spielberg or something.)

Anyways, for some reason, to my surprise, both the Forty Acres and Red River buses came to me right away, as though they could smell my coffee from miles away. And they were each completely packed with people. If the Forty Acres bus ever was part of a "clown car" act of any sort (and I know it's a big bus, so that would destroy the purpose of the joke, but I digress), the act would never ever end. During any kind of weather that's not beautiful and sunny, that thing is just spilling over with people -- I sometimes feel I'm 9-years-old again and playing "sardines" when this happens. And then I'm reminded if there was an accident of any kind, we would all be squashed to death.

So anyways, both buses were full. This meant that I had to squeeze in and grip a horizontal little pole (on both bus rides; thankfully they're short). I had a lot of trouble finding my leverage and almost fell down for a brief half-second. Hopefully no one noticed, but I think they did and just were polite enough not to react with facial expressions or laughter.

Do you want to know why I couldn't find my balance though? I had a cup of coffee in my hand!

2007-01-22T04:36:00.000-08:00

What I've learned from YouTube and "American Idol":

*Americans are delusional. They think they are more interesting and talented and insightful and funny than they really are... case in point:

*Atheists and Christians really do dislike each other (seriously, there's now a video war between them on YouTube... hey, folks, if technology means we now fight with video blogs instead of bombs, I think it's probably okay)

*We ought to leave artsy filmmaking up to the experts (YouTubers: just hit record, don't try to get fancy... because you kind of pretty much suck); I'd share a poorly-made YouTube video here, but it's really hard to pick out just ONE and more importantly, I don't want them to get seen and become even more popular than they already are

*The best stuff in life is free or, was originally aired on cable and then uploaded to YouTube so people could watch it for free and then promptly taken down because of copyright laws (boy do I wish Jon Stewart was easier to access)

2007-01-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

Wait, is it the No Spin Zone or Truthiness we're dealing with here?

Colbert does O'Reilly on O'Reilly and O'Reilly does O'Reilly on Colbert, doing O'Reilly
(doesn't get any better than this, folks)

2007-01-17T11:08:00.001-08:00

I'm in a really good mood.

Normally, I have pretty regular emotions I cycle through from day to day, week to week. I was never one of those people who needed anti-depressants.

But this past month, I don't know, I've felt consistently unhappy. Maybe unhappy is the wrong word. I almost wish I could have felt unhappy, or more overtly depressed. Then I could at least say I felt something, instead of a sort of blase ambivalence.

All I know is that happy is definitely not the right word for this last month's "major emotion," so my mood, let's just say, has been stuck somewhere short of happy.

And suddenly, I feel chipper. Even before my morning coffee, I'm feeling pretty good. I had forgotten what pretty good felt like. I would say I feel almost as good as Paula Abdul, when she was interviewed about "American Idol" on some morning news show.

I wish I could grasp what's different about today. I'm not on a caffeine high. Nothing in my life has changed all that much. Maybe I've just finally caught up with sleep. I get a little down if I haven't had enough rest: why do you think I value naps so highly?

What's strange is I should probably feel unhappy. I've got a lot on my plate today. I've recently almost burned a bridge with my sister. Classes start tomorrow, which means my life is about to get busy. But hey, reason be damned, I'm happy, and I'm going to capture this moment in a blog.

So, anyways, I wish you all happy emotions, whether they come from natural or synthetic sources!

And PS -- I'm really sorry about the poorly constructed sentences in my last blog entry. Can't help it, I was born a rambling woman.

2007-01-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

There's an argument I've had so many times and I never can quite articulate my point.

My point is that "free will" does not exist. It's not an original idea -- plenty of famous scientists and philosophers have said the same thing. But it's the major reason I can't tolerate the logic of religion and I can't stand that I can't properly communicate what it is I mean by "free will" not existing.

Well, will exists -- but free? That's a misleading and misguided term, one that presupposes stuff we have absolutely no evidence of.

Human brains are complicated -- there is an array of emotions, neurological connections, genetics, memories, etc, that influence every single choice we make. Well, not influence, but form. Human brains are mysterious, but only because they are so fucking complicated; they've evolved to be that way.

If I'm ordering from a menu at a restaurant, I have a slew of options. But let's play around with just two, for simplicity's sake.

Do I want the pasta with chicken or just a plain hamburger? I'd probably pick the pasta. Is this because I have free will? No.

It's because factors A, B, C, D, E, and who knows what else caused me to "choose" the pasta. And of course, all these factors are then contingent upon how good my natural, reasoning abilities are, which is another factor all on its own.

But anyways, some of these factors might be obvious to us (and we can only really speculate about them anyways) -- my taste buds don't react as well to hamburgers as they do to pasta and chicken and so my reason says I should get the pasta and chicken. Other factors could be what kind of mood I happen to be in. Am I feeling experimental? Other factors could simply be memories of past experiences. Maybe I don't dig hamburgers that much, but perhaps I had pasta already last night and I remember this and am thus not as hungry for it; I've already had my fix. Maybe my body actually needs different kinds of carbs and I actually feel a natural appetite for hamburgers, over pasta, who knows? I could even be having a conversation about free will and just to prove to the person I'm conversing with that I can choose something random, I could point my finger to any random menu item and order that. Does that prove anything? No, it just proves the motivation to be random overrode motivation to eat something I know to be tasty.

Other factors, and there could be literally hundreds or millions more, we may not be sure about. They may involve complicated chemical reactions that go with every obvious factor we've just addressed.

But the fact of the matter is, from what I can tell, is that free will (or free choice) is only an illusion. Just because my body is physically capable of ingesting a hamburger, or my mouth and vocal cords are physically capable of ordering a hamburger, doesn't mean I actually had the choice to order it (if I did indeed order pasta instead, that is). Ordering pasta was merely an effect of various causes.

We look at many things in a purely scientific way. You see a game of basketball and you say the basketball has no free will, it's just at the whim of the players movements and the weather conditions and its basic makeup (how inflated is it?). But the players are similarly at the whim of their environment and biological and chemical processes of their body and brain, which are incredibly complicated, but no less determined by the rules of cause and effect, and ultimately pretty mechanic.

Just because you don't "know" all the causes that lead to the choices you make, doesn't mean they don't exist and didn't determine your choice.

A lot of people, once they get to this point, then say: Well, there's no such thing as morality and personal responsibility, then, if you say that! So I'm saying this because I was determined too, huh?

The answer is -- well just because we invented morality and personal responsibility doesn't mean those things exist on some higher plane and is the precondition for all that happens in the universe. It simply means all that happened in the universe and in human evolution led to humans inventing morality and personal responsibility. Those concepts won't go away, as we invented them for social purposes. They'll always be around (they're enduring), and anyways, because there is no free will, there is no harm in believing that it exists or doesn't exist, as we will believe whatever our brain allows us to believe, despite our own illusion that we have free choice in what we believe.

The reason I got inspired to write this is because I've always felt this way about free will and there was a youtuber who did a 30 minute piece (3 parts) about it. He articulated it so well. So if you're not really getting what I'm saying here, as I sometimes just can't find the words, give this a spin:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

2007-01-14T17:37:00.000-08:00

The British (and Australian/Irish/Scottish) Invasion
of 6th Street

Austin is special for many reasons, and one of those reasons is 6th Street. My friends and I love to bar hop and we've recently noticed a trend. There are a lot of visiting British, Irish, Scottish, and Australians here in the city and they also love to bar hop.

Curiously enough, we never run into any Indians, Germans, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Easterners, Norwegians, etc... Usually travelers are from England or Australia and then thirdly -- Ireland and Scotland, so they usually sport very sexy accents. And also, they're always guys.

Oh, and they also always are trying to get into your pants.

Last night my good friend Kathryn came down to visit and she and her friend wanted to check out the downtown scene, which they had only gotten a small taste of before. So we did.

We sat down at Maggie Mae's and an Australian guy approached us and preceded to tag along with us for the whole night. I ended up giving him my number at some point.

Kathryn noticed his license was from another American city that wasn't Austin and her friend overheard one of his friends talking about how they had been undergrads at UT for years. That's sort of strange, considering that the Australian told me he was in his first ever semester at UT and had grown up in Brisbane. I got him to show his license to me and listened to him explain his residence in Maine -- his mom lived there for awhile, it was a long story, he wasn't lying about his origin, he just didn't want to get into that. Right.

So anyways, we ended up losing him toward the end of the night and I got a call from him about three times as the bars were closing. I called back and left a message around 3AM: "Hey, just wanted to say, chops on the accent dude!"

He called back the next day, in a distinctly American accent, admitted he was indeed making it all up. But here's the funny part -- he actually asked me to call him back!!! Persistent little buggers, those Australians. Especially the fake Australians.